The ability to filter opinions has been more valuable to me than any degree.

Because information is powerful, but in the age of endless information, your filter is the true power.

I’m going to throw 3 real stories at you that I’ve personally experienced or stories shared from clients/friends.

ONE: The stranger

[Use this filter if this is the first time you’re speaking to them.]

“What do you have for lunch?” I was asked on a coffee chat.

“Rice, chicken, vegetables,” I replied.

“You should be eating…”

This occurred within 3 minutes into the first interaction with someone.

The Problem: Receiving advice from someone who doesn’t know you isn’t advice, it’s them soliciting under the guise of “I’m helping.”

But many times, it’s plain wrong.

Why?

They opened with advice, not questions.

The Filter: Unless they ask 5 questions or clearly understand the root problem, they’re giving advice on the wrong thing.

Disregard, Reader. Disregard.

Doesn’t mean the other person is a bad human, it just means they have less regard for solving problems than appearing smart.

Don’t be that.

Or at the very least, don’t feel like you need to agree with it.

TWO: The expert

[Use this when someone further ahead tells you what you “should” do.]

“What did he tell you?” I asked my client after she messaged me in a panic that she’d just had a meeting with an expert and it made her feel like she was doing it all wrong.

“That unless I’m at $100K/mo, I need to be sending 1000 emails and 100 DMs a day,” she responded. “[He told me] You’re wasting your time connecting with people in coffee chats.”

He told her a whole bunch of other stuff too. All of it made her feel like shit.

A “should-splainer” in the finest form.

When she was done, this is what I said:

“Do you believe he has any investment in your success?”

Emphatic “No!”

“Heard. Then, can we agree he wasted his time and your time?”

She signed a client on a coffee chat an hour after we were done chatting.

The Problem: People who tell you what you “should” do without asking if you want what they have are a bit tragic.

The Filter: Unless they ask permission, know what you want, or both, the thing they’re most expert at is time wasting.

THREE: The rest

[Use this when you really want to agree with the opinion but something feels off.]

“Everyone’s been telling me I should do this. And they’re probably right, but I haven’t done it yet and I can’t explain why,” said a dear friend.

“That’s a signal,” I responded. “Can I give you my model when I’m feeling this?”

“Yes! Please help me!”

“I look at every opinion through one final lens. Even if I want to believe it and I’m struggling, I ask myself, ‘Would the person this came from deliver the eulogy at my funeral?’ and if the answer is no, I’m allowed to disregard it.”

The Problem: We’re hard-wired to please. We hate to disappoint.

But the reality is that we’re the only person who spends every second of every day with ourselves.

Our own voice should be the most powerful in our mind’s room.

In an untidy life, I try and make the questions I ask myself as tidy as possible.

The Filter: Would they deliver your eulogy? If the answer is no, you can disregard it.

If there’s a niggle in the back of your mind that says, “I’m not sure.” then a tidy little question like this can help.

Why this matters

Opinions are infinite.

The life clock isn’t.

Opinions don’t pay your bills.

Your power decides your life.

Take what you need.

Leave what you don’t.

-C